How to Have a Presidential Debate

Moderator: So, the first question is, "Can you answer a simple question with a direct answer?" This one goes first to you, Senator McCain.

Senator McCain: Well, first of all, let me than you for moderating, and thank you to the school who is allowing us to be here, oh, and hi, Senator Obama. And speaking of Senator Obama, I want you to understand that, in his eloquence, he never does manage to answer a question. No. His non-answers will raise your taxes, but he still does not answer. In fact, he has associations with some of the most unrepentant non-answerers of questions the USA has seen, and we need to know about the full extent of these affiliations.

Moderator: Senator Obama?

Senator Obama: It is a pleasure to be here thanks to you and to the generosity of the school, and it is wonderful seeing you again, Senator McCain. Now, I could talk about the non-answering of questions, but that is not what the American people want to know about. Their questions haven't been answered for years, and this mean-spirited campaigning isn't answering them. Now, my plan calls for a full answering of questions, with a tax break for the smaller companies, while Senator McCain only carries on President Bush's failed policy of non-answering.

Moderator: (Blinking.) So... uh...

Senator Obama: In a debate? While campaigning? No, don't count on it.